As a kid, I spent a lot of my days at church. Whether it was tent revivals, volunteering in the warehouse, or sunday school, I learned the songs, the ways, and the word. I reflect on all of that and then wonder what is missing in my life.
I have not led a very righteous life. I have turned my back on him, I have cursed His name, and I have questioned everything about Him. I honest felt as if I had legitimate reasons to feel this way.
I haven’t stepped foot in a church since the day I got married. I haven’t touched a Bible in years. I haven’t really even taught my daughter anything related to religion. (There was once a time I wouldn’t have felt so horrible and ashamed for that.)
Last year was one of the hardest years of my adult life. I have never felt so low and useless in my entire life. I needed to cling onto something that would give me hope, to get me through. I will never forget that feeble prayer.
My main New Years Resolution was to become closer with God. Though lately it’s almost like I’ve been dipping my toe in the water, refusing to jump because the water will take me out of my comfort zone.
I am thankful to have such an amazing friend in my husband. He has literally and figuratively held my hand through all of this, he is also the one to “push me into the water.” We have decided to attend Sunday service at the church we were married in!
While I am excited, I am nervous. I wish I could elaborate that but I cannot think of any words that eloquently explain. This is a new chapter in our lives!
I was awarded by one of my absolute favorite and inspiring bloggers. I feel truly honored to be chosen amongst fellow bloggers. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Oristel, Keep Moving On. Thank you for nominating me, sharing your stories, and always encouraging others!
If you want to participate in the Blogger Recognition Award, here are a few simple rules:
1. Thank the blogger that nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
2. Write a post showing your award.
3. Tell a brief story about how you started your blog.
4. Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers.
5. Choose 10 other bloggers to nominate.
6. Comment on each blog letting them know they’ve been nominated, and provide a link to your award post.
How My Blog Started?
My story isn’t grand or anything extraordinary. A close friend told me about WordPress over a year ago and quite persistently begged me to start blogging. I would often scoff at her, because who in the world would read my thoughts? I joined January of this year and sincerely wish I would have listened to my dear friend sooner. I enjoy reading everyone’s posts and sharing my tidbits of my life with you.
My Advice to Fellow Bloggers:
Stay true to yourself, you will save yourself from so much heartache. Having lived a rebellious life, I have had to find my road to “there”, to myself and my happiness. You will not find happiness anywhere in the world or any person in the world, until you find happiness with yourself.
My Grandmother was obsessed about dishes. Anyone who knew her, knew her as the “Dish Lady.” She would drive hundreds of miles away from home just to buy what most people thought was a simple plate. As a child, my Mom would send me with her for the summer. I would often accompany her on these bizarre road trips.
A few days ago, I was looking through an old box and found a dusty glass swan. Immediately an old memory flashed in my head. I was about 7 years old. My Grandmother and I were on our way to pick up a load of antique dishes. Soonafter arriving, I wandered off to look around the enormous barn packed full of stuff.
I remember my Grandmother picking up this glass piece and I thinking how weird looking it was. When we got back to her house, we sat at the her cluttered kitchen table. She showed me how to clean each dish, how to read the information on each dish, how to reference and log how to each dish, and how to profit from each dish.
Funny how memories become so precious.
Teary eyed, I cleaned off the little glass piece. Behold, a beautiful swan. Now it sits happily beside my coffee pot full of sugar. I am sure my Grandmother is proudly smiling behind her coffee mug.
For the last year and a half, I have been feeling a great change coming, within me and around me. Half of me has always dreaded this, in fear of desolation and isolation. Who would have ever known it could be liberating? Never did I ever.
Nonetheless, today is the day that I’m going to let go. Let go of the people who hold me in place just to pick me apart like starving savages. I’m going to let go of the people who promised everything under the sun but really only give me hell. I am going to let go of my fears, worries, and negativity. Never will I withstand another moment being told to or being made to feel like I should be ashamed of my flaws and scars, or that I am what my mistakes have been. Instead, I now know that I am who I make myself to be.
My flaws and scars are the fiber that holds me together, my dreams and ambitions is what drives me. I am already SOMEBODY. I always have been. I just needed to prove it to myself.